One question keeps teenagers up at night- why do ghosters always come back?
Why would they rip your heart into pieces without closure and try waltz back into your life as if nothing happened?
Wouldn’t it be so much easier if they just left us in peace and went elsewhere?
Unfortunately, it’s not that simple.
Let’s look at why ghosters always come back, how long it would take ghosters to come back, and whether they will come back at all.
Here are 5 reasons why ghosters always come back:
1. They’re a Narcissist With an Ego Problem
Do you know who a narcissist is?
According to this guide about narcissists, a narcissist is someone that sees you as an object he owns and uses for self-validation.
A narcissist loves attention and would do anything for you to choke them with it.
People that do this -usually guys- are cowards struggling with gaping insecurities.
They have such low self-esteem that they seek validation from others.
That is why they are always on a chase.
Think of it like a dopamine rush.
When you feed your brain some of that sweet drug, you feel proud about yourself that you keep looking for other sources to get it.
As if drunk on dopamine, a man jumps from one girl to another because he knows with each victim, there’s a fresh burst of attention to savor.
A fresh burst of dopamine.
But why come back to me when there are other girls to jump to?
Because he knows it may be challenging to get you back, considering how much of a jerk he was to ghost you before.
2. He Needed An Ego Boost
It is this sort of challenge ghosters that always come back love because convincing someone that you hurt to take you back after you caused them so much pain is the ultimate ego boost.
And once you let them back into your life, they feel good about themselves and disappear again.
He can even escape accountability for ruining your life because you yearn for them so much that you don’t even question their actions.
That’s why their ego would be bruised if they see you happy without them because it would mean your happiness doesn’t depend on their presence in your life.
They would realize they have no control over you and begin to spiral, trying to find a way back into your life and shatter you all over again.
Remember, ghosters desire to get but not to keep, and that’s why they always come back.
3. You’re Their Plan B
Not all men ghost you to boost their ego.
Some leave you hoping to find a better partner elsewhere, some greener grass on the other side.
And there’s nothing wrong with that; everyone deserves to keep their options open.
But when he decides to come back to you after ghosting you for someone else, he becomes an immature, selfish guy who wants to use you wishy-washy, ghost you, and get you back whenever he feels like it.
You may be thinking, “what if he actually does want me back, and not just because it didn’t work out with the other chick?”
Girl, he left you for someone else!
No closure, no goodbyes, just dust.
We don’t care what his reasons are for leaving her.
When a guy ghosts you, it means he didn’t, and probably still doesn’t, have regard for you.
He never saw you as a priority.
Just an emotionally independent woman he feels would keep waiting for him to return.
You have to realize that if he made you plan b from the start, there’s a high chance he’ll ghost you again.
So know your values and self-worth, Queen.
Don’t let a man that can’t decide on a partner turn your mind and health into shambles.
4. They’re Bored
Human beings are social animals, so we always desire some sort of affection.
Ghosters take that basic human need to the extreme.
When a ghoster is bored, he hunts for a source of entertainment.
Someone to feel the void.
You may be asking, “why would a ghoster return to me in particular?”
Because you two have history.
I mean, why go through all the extra work of starting a new relationship when there’s someone you have a history with whom you could pick up from where you left off?
That is the basic mentality of many ghosters who always come back.
Maybe they saw a good pic of you on Instagram and regained their interest in you.
Or perhaps they haven’t met anyone else after ghosting you for whatever reason.
But it’s not your business whether he’s happy or not.
He automatically invalidated your feelings by ghosting you and returning unannounced; he doesn’t deserve an audience with you.
However, if a ghoster comes back because he was bored, it may also mean he just wants to have sex with you.
I don’t have to tell you what to do next.
5. He Wants to Test Your Standards
Sometimes, when ghosters come back, it’s because they want to test your standards.
They want to test how low you can go for them.
Why?
To boost his ego? To know how accessible you are? Or just because he’s bored?
Maybe.
He may not intend to build any relationship with you and is solely bent on testing your standards.
In other words, he wants to test your values.
And if you fail the test, they’ll know you’re an easy target.
They’ll know that they will have you back by saying a few nice things to you and doing some favors.
They’ll know they can waltz in and out of your life as they wish.
But I have faith that you’re not that gullible.
Girl, I can’t preach this enough- KNOW YOUR WORTH.
6. He Genuinely Wants a Second Chance
Remember when I said a ghoster would not return because he genuinely likes you?
Let’s scratch that.
Not all men are built that way.
Sometimes, when a ghoster comes back, it means he likes you and wants to build a relationship with you.
But don’t get too excited; it depends on why he left you in the first place.
Some ghosters ghost you because they’re overwhelmed with the rollercoaster of emotions you make them feel.
Emotions they aren’t familiar with.
They get choked up and confused about how to handle them.
So they just leave you.
Abruptly.
It’s the only defense mechanism they know.
Sex therapist Dr. Janet Brito says people come back for familiarity and comfort.
That means when they are at their emptiest, they return to the places they know can fill them up the right way.
Maybe he’s thought about being with you a lot and is starting to feel comfortable with the idea.
Or maybe he just needed time to grow and work on himself before fully committing to a relationship.
Just to be sure, as a quick checklist, if he genuinely misses you, he would be the following things:
- Consistent with you.
- Affectionate with you.
- Genuine, without being hot or cold.
How Long Does It Take for a Ghoster to Come Back?
If he’s been cold for two weeks, you know he’s ghosted you for real, and he’s not coming back.
According to a new study, 93% of people who ghost partners will return in the next six months, and 86% are likely to say they are attracted to the person again when they finally get over it.
These results can be found in Total Recall: The Curious Case of Human Memory by Douglas Stone Ph.D. and Susan Weinschenk Ph.D. (August 14, 2018).
If he does come back, here are a few tips to make him regret ghosting you.
Should You Accept When Ghosters Come Back?
Girl, he went MIA on you.
If you take a ghoster back, you would only be hurting yourself more. So please don’t do it.
Taking him back means he has access to your life as he pleases.
Please don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing you still like him after being a jerk to you.
And even if you like him, don’t make it easy for him when he tries to return.
Test his limits, demand an apology, and take some space and time away.
Be the ghost; check how much he chases.
If he ticks these boxes, then you can take a ghoster back.
Summary: Why Ghosters Always Come Back?
The reasons why ghosters always come back are disgusting.
And they don’t matter because they left you high and dry without an explanation, and I’m sure they’d return without an apology.
People like that aren’t worth your time.
Your want for him should never surpass your love for yourself.
Have a funeral for the ghost.
In short, ghosters always come back for one of these reasons:
- They’re a narcissist
- They need an ego boost
- You’re their plan b
- They’re bored
- They know they can
- They genuinely want a second chance